Kisses

Do you ever watch television and critique the way the actors kiss? I'll bet you have, even if you don't realize it. I'll be watching a love scene in a movie, thinking to myself "He's gonna do it... just lean in... stop talking and just--- what the hell was that?!" Maybe it's just me, but most television kisses leave a lot to be desired. I often think "That's not believable, if he really loved her, he'd kiss her like...(insert appropriate kiss type here)." There's never any middle ground in television kisses, it's either a quick, chaste peck on the lips or cheek with a pursed "I just sucked a lemon" face, or a "Let me taste those tonsils, baby!" type of affair.

Personally, I used to have very strict ideas about what a good kiss should entail. I hated for his mouth to be open too wide, and God forbid he leave any slobber on me, ick! And I know that in the movies it's all cute for the man to bury his hands deep in the woman's hair and guide her through the kiss, but seriously, no bueno. I spent at least a good hour doing my hair today, and if you touch it I'll never get it back to how I had it. I'll thank you to keep your hands at 10 and 2 (that's shoulders for anyone whose mind was wandering to a dirty place... though I'm not quite sure what time boobs would be). Why not on the hips? Because, hips invariably lead to ass grabbing, and I don't think it's appropriate for you to knead my ass in front of the group of 3rd graders who just happen to be walking by.

Despite my kissing ideology, I've recently met someone who kisses me in every way I always thought was awful. He opens his mouth as wide as he possibly can, engulfing my lips, sometimes my nose, eyes, even ear once. I don't think he's ever given me a kiss without leaving a trail of cold spittle in his wake, and he's grabbed my boobs during a kiss on many occasions. Yet and still, I allow it to persist. Hell, who am I kidding, I BEG for it! I ask for kisses at least 20 times a day and while he'll often ignore me, sometimes he'll grace me with that glorious, drool-filled kiss and I love every second of it.

It's strange how things change when you're a mommy.